'somewhere i make sense'

I recently went to a show where Jamila Woods performed, supporting Semicolon Books. I don’t go to concerts these days because they can be overstimulating and overwhelming for me. But I try to see Jamila Woods whenever I can, because her music is a balm for me in so many ways! 😭 It was also my first time going to a show by myself, and it was the BEST solo-date. I picked up some merch, got a grapefruit Jarritos from the bar, and posted up in a corner away from crowds.

One of her older songs has been resonating with me a lot recently - “Way Up” from HEAVN. I wasn’t really expecting her to perform it (all her songs are SO good), but a part of me was *hoping* she would.

I'm an alien from inner space
They can't read my mind all in my face
No one knows I'd rather spend my days alone on my pillow

I don't care what they say
I've been waiting for so long
Call me by my name
They keep telling me I'm wrong
We are not the same
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
…
Just 'cause I'm born here
Don't mean I'm from here
I'm ready to run
And rocket to sun
I'm way up
I'm way up

For most of my life, I’ve felt the sting of not belonging. It's as if my heart belongs on a different planet or in some alternate timeline where the conditions for living and being aren’t as harsh. Where it can fully exhale and rest.

And somewhere in the middle of her set, she began to share:

“So this next song is really about that feeling - it’s like a diasporic feeling. Feeling like you’re an alien. But for me, whenever I go anywhere, Chicago is what roots me.

I know that somewhere I make sense, even if I don’t make sense other places.

So shoutout to you all, and shoutout to all the people who are from somewhere else, and living in a society where we feel like we don’t make sense, but we have those strings that lead us back… this song is called ‘Way Up’. "

🎶 Listen to Way Up - Jamila Woods

I needed that reminder. Even when I feel like I don’t belong, there is somewhere where I make sense. What are the strings that lead me back to the place I make sense? Being rooted in Chicago, being in the company of people I love, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, the sound of the lake meeting the shore, tending to the earth and what grows from it, a song, a particular smell, the intentional inhale and exhale of breath.

I believe this sense of not belonging means that we intuitively know there is another place where we belong. We might not always know where it is, but we can pause to notice the strings that will lead us back to belonging.

What are the strings that lead you back to the place where you make sense?