interruptions

A couple of weekends ago, I spent hours writing a whole ass post with a graphic, a lil haiku I wrote, and a song. Then, I accidentally deleted it from my drafts instead of posting it.

-_- wtf.

*deep breaths* I had to close my laptop and go outside to prevent a wave of discouragement from washing over me. After a few minutes, the thought came to me: Perhaps I am supposed to share something else right now.

As someone who loves planning and preparation in many areas of my life as a way to navigate this world with neurodivergence and anxiety - interruptions to this flow can be incredibly hard.

The accidentally deleted post is a small example of several interruptions I’ve felt over the past few weeks - My car stopped running when I was on my way to help facilitate a community healing program. A family member, whom I had been meaning to reach out to for months, passed away suddenly. The daily wave of government nonsense and harm feels impossible to escape. A loved one of my loved ones passed away. Spiritual trauma hit me hard as I attempt to date.

Interruptions are hard when looking forward to the end goal I’ve envisioned and put my hopes in. And yet, along with all the disruptions, I’ve been hearing the whisper of an internal voice inviting me to consider what these interruptions offer me.

Is there anything to appreciate about interruptions?

When I made space for this question, I realized that interruptions are an opportunity for me to reevaluate in the present moment. Something else is calling my attention—given this interruption, where do I want to put my time and energy in this moment? It provides me with an opportunity to re-ground, reevaluate, and adjust my direction. I am learning from the interruptions, seeing them as a choice point instead of just a frustrating barrier.

Because of these interruptions, over the past couple weeks, I was able to:

• receive generous support and care from people who love me
• share care with people I love
• try something completely new
• re-ground myself in my values and re-commit to creating the world I want to live in
• remember and honor the ancestors who continue to support me
• deepen compassion and kindness towards myself
• remember that healing is not linear or straightforward
• return to a creative passion project

Thinking about interruptions in this way helps me expand my vision and imagination, and trust that life will be imperfect. I am reminded that I am dynamic, alive, and constantly changing. I might not have control over the interruptions, but I always have a choice about what I do next. I can try to continue on my planned path or explore and tend to the tangent that life has presented me. Without all these recent interruptions, I may have missed experiencing all of the above. In this way, interruptions have made my life more expansive and rich.

While it’s still hard to experience disruptions to my plans, I am learning to hold myself gently through them, tune into my needs and values, and make the choice that feels most right in that moment. That’s really all we can do, perfection be damned.

🖤

I’ve been returning to this song lately :) It’s not perfectly planned and produced, and it’s still beautiful, and it makes me feel warm inside ~